As a direct result of the ‘Bomb in the Y-fronts’ near catastrophe, the U.S. Transportation Security Administration has ordered that passengers flying into the United States from ‘countries of interest’ be subject to enhanced screening techniques such as full-body pat-downs, carry-on bag searches, full-body scanning and explosive detection technology.  “The State Department lists Cuba, Iran, Sudan and Syria as state sponsors of terrorism.  The other countries whose passengers will face enhanced screening include Afghanistan, Algeria, Iraq, Lebanon, Libya, Nigeria, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Somalia and Yemen.”

The first problem with this is that you need to scan passengers before they get on the plane, not after they get off.  It is my understanding that a suicide terrorist is not planning to get off the plane; at least not in the conventional sense.  Therefore, the TSA would either have to rely upon foreign security personnel to conduct the thorough screening, or the advanced equipment and trained American operators would have to be stationed in every foreign airport operating direct flights into the US.  Apart from the expense, there is a possibility the governments of ‘countries of interest’ may not agree to that proposal.

The second problem is that the move has already been criticized by one Muslim advocacy group, The Council of American-Islamic Relations, which said that these measures amount to religious profiling because so many people from these countries are Muslim.  “Under these new guidelines, almost every American Muslim who travels to see family or friends or goes on pilgrimage to Mecca will automatically be singled out for special security checks — that’s profiling.”  Profiling has become an obscene word in today’s Politically Correct “must not upset anybody” lunacy.  The TSA said it does not profile.  “TSA security measures are based on threat, not ethnic or religious background,” a TSA spokesperson said.

I am all for tight aircraft security and would suffer almost any indignity as long as it assured me of reaching my destination in one piece.  Profiling is a proven investigative science used by law enforcement officers in many countries.  When done properly, it is a very efficient way of reducing inconvenience to the vast majority of law abiding people while identifying those with possible criminal intent.  Critics could say that the only reason I am a supporter of profiling is because I have not been subjected to it.  But that is not correct; I have a profile.  Mine is the ‘cries if he gets a paper cut and doesn’t want to die in a high altitude fireball so would never do anything to endanger himself, another person or aircraft’ profile.  Up to this point in time, airport security people have correctly identified my profile and have acted accordingly.

It does not take an Einstein to work out that if you have a problem you seek help or advice from someone who has already been successful, or even partially successful, in dealing with that problem.  It is not necessary to keep reinventing the wheel.  In the case of airline security, the success story is the Israeli airline El Al.  Sure, it is not a large airline by international standards, but with a fleet of over 30 aircraft which transport more than 3.5 million passengers a year, this airline is possibly the juiciest target for a suicide bomber.  But El Al employs stringent security procedures, both on the ground and on board its aircraft, the effectiveness of which have won the airline Global Traveler magazine’s award for 2008 as the world’s most secure airline.  In addition, The International Air Transport Association (IATA) has named El Al the winner of the Operational Safety Audit program for the second year in a row.  (IATA comprises 230 of the world’s leading passenger and cargo airlines and represents 93% of all international air traffic.)

In a recent television interview, a retired El Al security officer implied that flight security basically boiled down to ‘intelligence’.  He meant that in the ‘information gathering’ sense but I think the other meaning is also appropriate.  Broadly speaking, security networks need to be integrated and share information.  They need to eradicate petty jealousies and one-upmanship and actually communicate with each other.  Their data bases need to be integrated, quickly accessible, kept up to the minute and comprehensive.  When anyone books a ticket on an El Al flight, their personal details are checked through all data bases and information about that passenger is scrutinized.  Any inconsistency or suspicious activity is flagged.  By the time he boards the flight there is not much they don’t know about him.

As well as armed and uniformed security personnel, the airport departure lounges – including those in foreign airports operating El Al flights – contain a number of undercover security people blending in with the crowd.  These men and women are behavioural experts and specialists in – here’s that dirty word again – profiling.  Anyone fitting a particular profile or acting out of the ordinary is watched closely.  As a result, only those passengers flagged by a computer or selected by undercover security are singled out for the most stringent physical searches.  Even if someone acting suspiciously or of particular interest passes inspection, I will bet the guy sitting next to him on the plane is an armed security officer posing as a passenger.

“Luggage is screened and sometimes hand searched.  In addition, bags are put through a decompression chamber simulating pressures during flight that could trigger explosives.  El Al is the only airline in the world that passes all luggage through such a chamber.  Even at overseas airports, El Al security agents conduct all luggage searches personally, even if they are supervised by government or private security firms.”

Once again, critics of El Al say that its security checks on passengers include racial profiling and have argued that such profiling is unfair and degrading to those subject to such screening.  Whether they admit to profiling or not, Israeli authorities stand by their strategy and their safety record.  If the new ‘full body scanning’ systems are installed and they are not compulsory for everybody – NO exception – then that will be profiling as well.  I will ring the bell in a Pattaya Beer Bar the day I am shown evidence of a Catholic nun in full habit being ushered through one.

As always, I have my own inexpensive and easy solution (Patent Pending) to the problem.  Building on the ‘you can’t hide anything from us’ principle, I propose a complete ban on all carry-on luggage.  After being thoroughly x-rayed, gamma-rayed, decompressed and sniffed by specially-trained Rottweilers, it will all be stowed away securely in the baggage compartment.  Under my plan, no passenger will be allowed to take anything on an aircraft apart from his boarding pass and, on international flights, his passport.  The second, and possibly controversial, part of the plan is that all clothing will be similarly stored and every man, woman and child will board the plane barefoot and stark staring naked.  The departure lounge will become an ‘Undressing Room’ where each passenger will be provided with a large, tagged, recyclable, eco-friendly, plastic garbage bag to hold all clothing and personal items for storage.  No way is anybody going to blow up this plane!

Sir Richard Branson is a lateral thinker and I am predicting his airline will be the first to adopt this cheap but innovative security measure.  Can you imagine?  Eight-hour flight … free champagne … naked celebretitties.  And just consider; it will give Flight Attendants an easy way to check if the air conditioning is too cold.