Dear Kris & Noi,
We recently spent some time in my wife’s home town, and at different times we watched a wedding, then a merit procession pass by her family’s home. In both parades there were some expats stumbling about trying to imitate the Thais dancing. It looks charming when Thais, young and old, perform the steps that
they learn from childhood, but sweating, lumbering expats just look like cheap puppets with twisted
strings. Why do these people make themselves look so stupid, surely they don’t think they are “blending in” with the locals?
Second rant is about farangs who climb on stage in gogos and push in amongst the dancers. We customers come to see sexy girls dancing, not some bare-chested, pot-bellied drunk lurching around the stage and groping the girls, cheered on by his equally moronic drunken mates. I’ve even seen western women on occasions get amongst the tiny Thai girls, shaking their enormous bums and letting their boobs hang out (it’s always the big women!). When on holiday it’s good to let your hair down, but these people bother the dancers and spoil other people’s entertainment.

Two Left Feet
Think you’re being a tad harsh about the farangs dancing in the processions; perhaps  they often do look awkward, and maybe some do it to show they are part of the family, but they could just be having fun joining in at a happy occasion, and not bothering anyone. However, if a pie-eyed plonker gets on stage with the gogo girls, some punters may be amused for a few minutes but others, who want to see only sexy girls and not some drunken tosser, especially if he decides to bare as much as the girls, will leave and look for another place to ogle talent without interruption. As for the female intruders, although they may well be regular size back home, most tend to look huge when surrounded by Thai girls, and they don’t have the dancers’ supple bodies, to put it politely. People are meant to have fun on a night out, but not to spoil the show for others—punters want to see sexy girls dancing, not boozed-up expats. It’s better for the club if the drunks stagger around the bar floor and leave the stage free for the pelvic-thrusting local talent to keep the punters interested, and buying.

Dear Kris & Noi,
We are almost at the end of our first holiday in Thailand, and have had a great time, including ten days in Pattaya. There were many interesting places to visit, as well as being able to soak up the sun around the pool (didn’t fancy the sea, sorry!),  the food selection is great, and the people are so friendly. Pattaya isn’t just for dirty old men, there’s plenty of enjoyment for a young couple, and night life is great, although I did cling tight to my boyfriend with so many beautiful girls everywhere! See you again Pattaya, that’s for certain. (Sorry, didn’t buy your paper, someone left it behind in the lobby, and fancied getting our names in a foreign paper!).
Laura and James

Pleased to hear that you enjoyed your holiday, as many other young couples, families and single women do, despite Pattaya being portrayed abroad  as purely a place for sex mongers, ignoring the fine golf courses, places like Nong Nooch, excellent Thai and international cuisine, and the generally friendly atmosphere all around. Have a good journey home, see you again.

Dear Kris & Noi,
I often visit supermarkets for just a few items, and use the checkout counter for people with ten items or less. Many times I find myself waiting behind someone with a trolley or basket full of items, and I have to wait ages for them to be processed. When I point out the sign to them they just smile or stare at me, but don’t move away. It is also aggravating that the checkout staff never turn the people away.
I always read your column, and my Thai wife enjoys it too, although I sometimes have to explain some of the humorous English slang words and expressions. I think you’ll be pleased to know that she learns these and likes to use them when we’re mixing with expat friends.
Bob Layzell

Many people like you shop almost daily for just a handful of items, so the fast checkout lanes are very useful, as other checkouts frequently have long queues. Unfortunately many people, mostly Thais, have no consideration
for others, and simply ignore the ten-items ruling. Checkout staff tend to be wary of criticising a customer, and lax store supervisors don’t bother either. However, although it’s a pain having to wait in a long queue when you just have milk and a loaf of bread, is your time so important that it’s worth getting into a lather over? You would have to waterboard them before they changed their ways anyway, so why not just grin and bear it, laugh at their ignorance, and fill in a comment form every time it happens?
Thanks for being a regular reader, your wife too. Pleased that we are
helping to improve her  range of English vocabulary; better to learn slang words and phrases than swear words if she’s using them in company!