When you ask most people what they look for in a partner, they often describe the perfect person, but in practice, they choose the opposite. For one reason or another, people seem to be especially attracted to men or women who you can say in advance that you will have a lot of ‘hassle’ with that. Psychologist Sabrine explains to Sander exactly why.
You probably know a number of women in your area who have watched the Netflix series You and are completely in love with the main character Joe Goldberg. Despite Joe being a cold-blooded serial killer, many women still find him a charming man. According to Sabrine, this is mainly due to the fact that women are more often attracted to dominant men. “Neuroscience studies show that women are more likely to be attracted to dominant men,” said Sabrine. “In films, series and novels, the image is often painted that this is the perfect match. We are actually bombarded with ideas like that all the time.
However, it is not all about dominance. According to Sabrine, feeling attracted to the wrong person can in many cases be traced back to one strong desire. “We really want a partner who will do everything for you. Someone who actually goes very far for you and is really dedicated. That also happens often with animals and you see that in the series You. Joe is very committed to his partner and we find that attractive.”
TALKING ABOUT WEAKNESSES
What can also be seen in You is that Joe often shares his weaknesses with his partners. As a result, many women try to put his horrific deeds in perspective. “You are continuously taken into Joe’s thoughts. His childhood traumas also come to the fore in the series, for example, so that at a certain point you start to wonder whether Joe is really that bad.”
It may seem like you’re doomed to get into the wrong relationships all the time, but according to Sabrine, it shouldn’t be a disaster as long as you stay away from Joe Goldberg types. “There is nothing wrong with you if you fall for the wrong men or women, but what is very important is that you just do what is right for you and take care of yourself.”
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