We’ve all been there – you go out on a night out, get a bit pissed up, then you wake up the next morning with a sore head, a dry mouth, and a three-foot-long python in your bed.
No, that’s not a double entendre, and what do you mean that has never happened to you? Amateurs.
Anyway, it has now happened to someone at least.
Admittedly, it’s not immediately clear whether or not the person who found the snake in their bed had been on the razz – they might have done nothing of the kind. But we do know that when she awoke she was being spooned by a royal python.
The snake had obviously snuck into her flat in Kensington, West London, while she slept and thought that it was a nice enough place to curl up and have a kip.
Well, finding somewhere to stay in London is expensive enough even if you’re a sentient human being and not a slithering reptile.
Unsurprisingly, the woman whose bed had been annexed by the snake was somewhat put out to find it there first thing the next morning.
She jumped out of bed and ran from the room, slamming the door behind her.
Her next move was a call to the RSPCA, who attended the scene but could find no trace of the python. Slippery characters, those snakes.
RSPCA animal collection officer Jill Sanders explained the story afterwards.
“The poor resident must have had the fright of their life waking up to a snake in their bed,” she said.
“They jumped out of bed and closed their bedroom door to contain the snake but, when I arrived, I couldn’t find where the python had slithered to.
“I left my details and told them to contact me as soon as they saw it again.”
She wasn’t out of the building for long – it turns out that people tend to notice if there is an animal that is not native to these shores if they spot it in London.
If only the python has walked down the street, staring at an iPhone. It would have remained as anonymous as everyone else in our nation’s capital.
Sanders was brought back to the flat and eventually found the snake in a corridor. They don’t know how it got into the flat yet, but they reckon that the owner must live nearby.
Apparently, snakes are more likely to escape in summer because they have more energy. That, and they’re also pretty good at getting out of tight spots and wriggling out of places.
Sanders continued: “I’ve been called out to a number of stray snakes in recent weeks and many of these appear to be escaped pets.
“We would always recommend owners invest in an enclosure suitable for the particular species and that the enclosure is kept secure, and locked if necessary, when unattended.
“Reptiles, particularly snakes, can be extremely good escape artists and will take the opportunity of a gap in an enclosure door, or a loose-fitting lid.”
Remember, a neighbour’s bed is not an ‘enclosure suitable’ for snakes.