Speedos. Budgie smugglers. The ol’ banana hammock. Look, fellas, you can dress things up as much as you want, but whatever cutesy name you give them, teeny tiny swimming pants are pretty much never okay.
That is, of course, unless you’re rocking THESE handsome briefs… Ooh la la.
Yup, these diddy denim-print swimming briefs will have you turning heads wherever you are, whether you’re lounging by the pool with a cold beer in Ibiza, soaking up some rays on Ipanema Beach in Rio or simply lounging in your back garden working on your tan.
The Daytona Dong Sarong Jeado Swim Brief pants cost $39.99 and come in sizes S through to XXL – though the folk at Shinesty advise they fit ‘tight’, meaning they suggest buying one size up.
They’re quick-drying, soft and ‘smooth on your gear’, and are fully lined with an elastic waistband and drawstring – because, y’know, you wouldn’t want anything to slip out now, would you?
Featuring a hi-res denim design, the shell is made from 88 percent polyester and 12 per cent spandex (everyone loves a bit of spandex), while the lining is 100 percent polyester.
The online product description reads: “They say jorts are the above-ground pool of the shorts world. We’d be inclined to agree.
“Our denim print swim brief, also known as the Jeado, also known as the Daytona Dong Sarong is just like that, except it is the above-ground hot tub of the swim brief world… orsomething like that.
“It is like eating a bag of chips in church. Everyone looks over at you with disgust, but deep down they want some too. And if you’re really risky you’ll combine those last 2 sentences, eating a bag of chips in church while wearing this denim swimsuit.
“You’ll probably get tossed out, but you’ll look and taste good doing it.”
It adds: “These should be paired with caterpillar-style mustaches for optimal results.”
If you want to grab people’s attention without having quite so much on show, you can also now buy swimming shorts that feature your girlfriend’s face – all over them.
The trunks are being sold by Yes Custom and cost £23.05 plus a £4.60 shipping fee. They’re easy to sort, too, as all you need to do is get yourself over to the Yes Custom site, upload a selfie and the rest is pretty easy to do.
Some solid summer options, right there.